It was the end of December

So I took a stroll down memory lane. I realized a lot of things. Like for the past 4 years I've been carrying a torch for the same person. I had a talk with a friend and without knowing it she sparked something in brain. I asked her what she dreamt about and she said "life or something like it" This got me thinking about what I dream about these days. so I asked myself...

"Do you dream about life, or something like it? When you close your eyes, what comes to mind? Is it a lie or the truth? The truth is it's always been you."

I tried so hard loving others.

Faking my way through relationships, but I really can't see anything in other people when you look like my past, present and future. This is all sappy and mushy. Not me at all. I really want to not think about it. I know I can make myself see what else is out there. I know I can find things I love in other people. But I think Mr Hay had it right. I swear there are things that bring back such vivid memories. Whether its a cold breeze or a smell. Your face always pops up in my head. The winter smells like us. When we met. I remember hands tucked in coat pockets, frozen rooftops, bears and pipes, music late at night, drawing what our houses looked like on each other; I remember everything. Thinking about the past... it seems to move in slow motion. Look where the miles have taken me. Look where they have taken you. Loving each other may be comfortable, but that doesn't mean it isn't the thing we are best at. I can't stop thinking about how we met and how we grew to know each other. I know it's not even anyone's business, or that anyone else would care. Only my close friends read my blog anyway, but I'll never forget how you looked. Never. I grew just by knowing you. I am the man I am today because of you. The music I make is still inspired by what grew from you. I will be forever grateful for that. I know my heart may be playing tricks on me. I want to remember all the good times. and forget about the bad times. There were bad times. Times of no affection, no understanding, no wanting; but there was never a lack of love. It was because there was still so much love that it made it so hard to say goodbye. There is still a lot of time on my side. Maybe I'll fall in love with someone else. I think that would be a nice thing to feel. I don't know what the future holds though. I always hope it involves you. It's been quite the task holding up these walls for the past year. I admit I've grown tired, which is why I've let them down tonight. I'll do my best to muster up my strength and get back to holding them up again. There is a bet against my future but I'll do my best to not think about it. In the time being I think I'll go to sleep now. Maybe I'll dream about life, or something like it...

Thanks Joss.