Promises, promises

I'm an idiot. For the first time in my life I'm truly single. I'm liking it a lot. I do have interests. They are just the worst interests too. Ha! Not that the person themself is bad. The timing, and who they are to me are what make this situation a situation. I am a fool. You would think that car ride would have changed things. Well it did. It brought me closer. I don't know why, but it did. Sorry I did not ask your permission to feel closer, but I do. Maybe I just like the idea. Maybe I'm just lonely. Maybe I need to be exactly what they need, a friend. One thing is for sure, I will keep every promise I have made. Promises, promises.

In the end, no one feels like home more than the brick that makes up my foundation. You were there from the start; and in my heart I believe you will be there in the end.

"Lets watch the rains down in Africa."

You can live forever

And for a short time..... she returns : )
This always makes me happy.

I worked all day with my best friends/roommates/band mates today. It was quite the feat. I love those guys. Really I do. I am truly lucky to have friends like the ones I do. Especially Cody. He cares a lot more than he lets on. It makes me happy to see where my relationship with him has come. Scott, well me and him just kind of happened. Instant best friends. I wouldn't want it any different. Jason.... well he is Jason. What an awesome person. Very different from me, but he is what makes things complete. I'm lucky they don't read my blogs or this would be weird. I'm tired and ready for bed. But I have to finish my letter.
I write everyday. Without fail. I won't stop either.

I shall end this short and random blog with what me and Cody read today "You can live forever".

The Pie Maker

So I said I would put up the rest of the lyrics to the new song. So that's what I'm doing. I've had this tune in my head. I've had these thoughts in my bed. I've decided it's time to share.

"I'll waste my heart on somebody else.

I'll take my time when I read between the lines.

I'll be insufferable but I'll stay so comfortable.

I'll waste my words with nobody listening.

I'll be obscure and say things I don't mean.

It's hard to tell the truth when a lies all you can do.

Be as it may, I'm working on the parts of me,

That tare at the seam. So baby believe me,

When everything is not what it seems.

So brace yourself cause here it comes now. It's a long way down, and you're tied to the noose.

With all the things you lose. I'm addicted to the truth, written in four four timing for you.

Do you dream about life or something like it?

When you close your eyes, what comes to mind?

Is it a face that you've kept secret?

These secrets are keeping you.

I'll lock myself away, turn the page, and say your name.

But I find it kind of funny that,

She'd rather be alone, then feel lonely.

So brace yourself cause here it comes now. It's a long way down and you're tied to the noose. With all the things you lose. I'm addicted to the truth, written in four four timing for you.

I can't believe, it's come back to this. For 4 years been addicted to the risk.

I found this love on a winters kiss, but I soon found that ignorance was bliss.

I can't erase what I saw so clear, it was your breath in the atmosphere.

In the atmosphere.

In the atmosphere.

In the atmosphere.

Separate from the song above, I wrote this little poem that always puts a little smile on my face.

I am a son with a father.

Who loves my brothers daughter.

I am a friend and a lover.

I am a son with a mother.

I have loved and lost

And I have payed the cost

Of the life of a risk taker

but one day I will be The Pie Maker.

Stranded In The Garden State...

Your face it dances, and it haunts me.
Laughter still ringing in my ears.
I still find pieces of your presence here.
Even after all these years... Collin was right.

If I lived till I was one hundred and two, I just don't think I'll ever get over you.

So many things would be different. We're both so much older. I can't help it but I'm back to writing how I used to. Like the only person in the world that mattered was you. Like the only person in the world was you. This isn't for anyone else. Years have passed and I still feel the same. Does that mean anything? Not to sound weird, but what the hell? This is a little ridiculous.

It's not convenient, it's not loneliness, it's not cause it's comfortable. It's the only truth I've known. Yeah, you were awful for a long time. But you have always felt like home.

I have a routine these days. I wont say what it is, but I love it, because I get to think of you. It does involve: pictures, music, pies, letters, and water. I am lucky to still be in your life. I hope that stays the same.


Next stop.... Barcelona?

It was the end of December

So I took a stroll down memory lane. I realized a lot of things. Like for the past 4 years I've been carrying a torch for the same person. I had a talk with a friend and without knowing it she sparked something in brain. I asked her what she dreamt about and she said "life or something like it" This got me thinking about what I dream about these days. so I asked myself...

"Do you dream about life, or something like it? When you close your eyes, what comes to mind? Is it a lie or the truth? The truth is it's always been you."

I tried so hard loving others.

Faking my way through relationships, but I really can't see anything in other people when you look like my past, present and future. This is all sappy and mushy. Not me at all. I really want to not think about it. I know I can make myself see what else is out there. I know I can find things I love in other people. But I think Mr Hay had it right. I swear there are things that bring back such vivid memories. Whether its a cold breeze or a smell. Your face always pops up in my head. The winter smells like us. When we met. I remember hands tucked in coat pockets, frozen rooftops, bears and pipes, music late at night, drawing what our houses looked like on each other; I remember everything. Thinking about the past... it seems to move in slow motion. Look where the miles have taken me. Look where they have taken you. Loving each other may be comfortable, but that doesn't mean it isn't the thing we are best at. I can't stop thinking about how we met and how we grew to know each other. I know it's not even anyone's business, or that anyone else would care. Only my close friends read my blog anyway, but I'll never forget how you looked. Never. I grew just by knowing you. I am the man I am today because of you. The music I make is still inspired by what grew from you. I will be forever grateful for that. I know my heart may be playing tricks on me. I want to remember all the good times. and forget about the bad times. There were bad times. Times of no affection, no understanding, no wanting; but there was never a lack of love. It was because there was still so much love that it made it so hard to say goodbye. There is still a lot of time on my side. Maybe I'll fall in love with someone else. I think that would be a nice thing to feel. I don't know what the future holds though. I always hope it involves you. It's been quite the task holding up these walls for the past year. I admit I've grown tired, which is why I've let them down tonight. I'll do my best to muster up my strength and get back to holding them up again. There is a bet against my future but I'll do my best to not think about it. In the time being I think I'll go to sleep now. Maybe I'll dream about life, or something like it...

Thanks Joss.

The Mathematician and the Scientist

Nothing has changed. If anything, things are stronger now. I'm on my own these days but I have always carried you with me. So in essence. I have never been alone. I'm walking a tightrope above the city. I've always had high hopes though. You only get one life right? Why not shoot for the stars? Even if it means treading dangerous ground. Breathing the emptiness of space to get to those stars is just a part of the learning process. I'll always be beneath your waves.

"There is a bet against my future, but I don't mind.

I'm praying that these sutures don't leave me open wide.

If our roads run parallel, then maybe I'll see you along the way.

Maybe if I'm luck they will meet at the end of the day."

"I'm surprised that I didn't round, Whats to make of it? The parts are not as great as the sum." Now isn't that true? I'm more of myself just by thinking of you. Look where the miles have taken me... look where they have taken you. If you could believe it, I'm still in love with you.

A storm through your windshield

I was sitting in my room thinking about things that have been happening in my life recently and a melody came to me. It was raining outside and I couldn't help but think of someone. I was sure she was sleeping, or driving, or maybe even thinking of me...

"Silence never spoke so loud in the car last night.

My tired eyes never opened so wide, when the secrets came pouring out.

I kept my eyes on the road. You kept your feet on the dashboard

and you just stared out the window...

My fingers stay crossed tonight, that she makes her morning flight.

My fingers stay crossed today, that the storm shows her the way.

As she makes that drive in the dead of night, I start to find...

She's always on my mind.

Things can change in a year, but you'd find things still aren't clear.

Things can change in a month and you'd find it's still not done.

A lot can change in a day but you'd lose the strength to say

that more can change in a moment, and this moment is written all over your face.

My fingers stay crossed tonight, that she makes her morning flight.

My fingers stay crossed today, that the storm shows her the way.

As she makes that drive in the dead of night, I start to find...

She's always on my mind.

Miles could never break your heart.

It's the hours spent awake that set you apart.

These secrets bring us close, and make me say

You can become anything you want, when you're this far away.

My fingers stay crossed tonight, that you make your morning flight.

My fingers stay crossed today, that the storm shows you the way.

As you make that drive in the dead of night, I wonder...

Do I ever cross your mind?