Saturday, September 3, 2011
When you were young
I've been feeling nostalgic lately, I can't explain why either. Everything seems to remind me of something I'm missing. This has led to many sleepless nights. This one seems to be the worst one so far. I literally had to get up, walk to my computer, and write this down. I know the things that I miss. Those thoughts are the things that keep me from sleep. I know as soon as I close my eyes the things I was thinking about will formulate into dreams I will vaguely remember in the morning. I'm writing in this blog while I'm writing letters, letters that may never be responded to. The point is that they will be read, and that's all that matters to me. Beneath Your Waves is so close to being finished. I thought I had finished writing for it, but things just keep coming up. Whether it's a memory I misplaced or Sally running through my mind, or old words from my mother spoken in a new way; things keep popping up to remind me life is fragile and it passes you by. Just recently I drove to the old church I used to go to when I was young. The church that built me. It looked so foreign to me, like a stranger that claimed to have known me once, or a road that you swore you've driven on, like deja vu, like a dream you can't remember. It made me evaluate my life, all the times I've said "I love you" and never understood what those words could mean. All the oaths I've forgotten, all the promises I've broken, all the words I never meant. It made me think of the one person I could never forget, It made me think of the one person I've never known. The one person I can't bring myself to lie to anymore.
"Liar liar don't you ever get tired of singing these songs for a love that may never come?"
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When we were young:
To my brothers that have been lost:
I don't know what compels me to write this maybe its this new song you wrote: I was Young. Maybe its the deep longing to know that at least one of my brothers that have been lost might come back to us. You might be wondering why you are lost? You are the brother we have loved and a brother we have missed. You and your brothers are the ones that we thought would have enough courage and strength to continue in the path you once knew. I'm glad to know you and your brothers are doing well physically and mentally but you have forgotten to care feed and nurture your soul. How can you forget the Church that built you? How can you forget the God that gives you life in your lungs this very moment? Your mother needs at least one of her sons to carry on. At least one son to represent the love and faith she has. You say all we know is our faith and we should stick with that, and I propose to you that you never knew faith and that you never tasted of God's goodness. I would rather stick with my faith than change the world with lyrics that do nothing for this world that is worth living for. They don't help anyone find true life. Remember the words of your mother and your grandmother. Remember the works of the greats we have stood in the presence of. Remember who died for you and who gave you a chance to live and suffer instead of be dead and fulfilling all your dreams. It pains me to know you came from us but were not one of us. I still hope to see that one day you return and show me that I'm wrong about you or maybe even your brothers maybe even your sister. It pains me to see that you have embraced emptiness. Music, friends, family, love whoever whatever you have that you live for is emptiness. Don't ever forget who gives and takes, who blesses and destroys. Music is a beautiful thing but it is not life. God is life. The church is foreign. It is a stranger. It cries silently in the night in the midst of crowds continuously searching for someone to listen and follow. How can you not see? How can you not understand and tremble in fear for turning your back on him? How can you not cry and strive everyday of your life to bring you and your family back to life??? I lose the air in my lungs just thinking that those that I love are probably never coming back. You have been lost to an idol. Music is the idol that cannot save you. It cannot heal you. It cannot protect you. It cannot feed or clothe you. You can give all your energy and hope to it, but it provides no answers. No note, no lyric, no melody can give you life. It can only give you false hope. I hope when you read this ( if you read this) that it strikes a chord in your heart to remember the being that still desires your servitude. The one that can save your soul from a regretful eternity. We all want our lost brothers back. We all want to rejoice seeing a humbled and ready soul. We still care and clearly we still keep up with you as I'm sure you keep up with us. I wish we could still share and enjoy the precious moments of life that we should be sharing this very moment. Help your mother. I hope that you can rebuild the family that has been destroyed by selfishness and apathy. Renew your strength and come drink from the only fountain and eat of the only bread that can truly satiate the soul. I feel that my efforts may be useless, but I miss my brothers that are lost and hope that one day you may be found.
Sincerely,
A brother's love.
P.S. I hope to write to you again soon. Don't forget your God.
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