Come Back Down

I'm in a good mood. I don't know why that last song came out sooooo sad. It is a pretty song though. Very happy with it. This new one has been in the work for a while and then BAM the rest hit me. It's gonna be nice. I'll put up a video later of me singing it. This is by far the happiest song I have ever written. Thanks Lauren.

"Did you get those letters I sent to you from across the ocean? The deep wide blue.

Sing it back when you can't relax baby. I'll be here when all you've got is a maybe.

To the questions you didn't ask. Looking backwards you look into the past.

Then you tell me, of that maybe you're still in love.

I said hey hey hey! I'll be around when you come back down.

I said hey hey hey! I'll be around when you come back down.

Just come back, just come back, just come back down.

You're losing light to the night these days.

And when it creeps up on you, you still turn around and say...

That I believe in the things you said. How we were born in the night to be led

By our own dreams. By the things we think we need.

Then the past comes back and I'm proud to say...

That I'm still in love, I'm still in love today.

I said Hey hey hey! I'll be around when you come back down.

I said hey hey hey! I'll be around when you come back down.

Just come back, just come back, just come back down.

Check your pulse cause I've got this feeling.

You're still alive but you're bearly breathing.

Come back down to me. Oh and come back down to me.

"Moments like that belong in a Box"

I played a show last night in College Station. It was quite hilarious. Granted we weren't even supposed to play the show, and it was the only bad turnout we have had in a long time. But you know what? It was a blast to play! The people that were there listened. It was really a breath of fresh air, and I'll always remember that show, that moment. That's all for tonight, for those of you who read this blog, I just want to say thank you for being so awesome. The fact that you listen and like the music I make, leaves me at a loss for words. It means more to me than I could ever express. In Word or song. Thank you.

"TL"

These Pictures Tell A Story

These are some photos of me and scott working on the next 2 songs on the cd. I'll be putting up video blogs and such of the songs themselves. I just need to figure out how to take video in a longer time frame. I think I'm going to go out and buy a camera. I am already gonna get that old style Polaroid that I've been wanting. Either way. Hope you enjoy the photos. This will be the only place to keep track of the recording of this EP. It is a very low key project for us, even though we will be putting a lot of effort and time into it. So if you're a fan of our music, you will most defiantly be wanting to keep track of the songs. Especially because when it's all said and done, we will only be releasing 4 songs. The rest go to the person who inspired this CD. The person this CD is for.

You've got this love on the line

So me and the guys are recording today. I've decided to do a little video blog of the recording process. My blog will be the only place to keep track of it. I'll be putting up the making to each song. So I guess the hussy can keep track of it, and those of you who are interested. The song I'm working on today is a song Scott mostly wrote. I came up with the first verse and singing melody. Scott got the rest of the lyrics and singing melody for the chorus, and wrote a super awesome bridge. This is mostly Scottys baby and it's coming out way better than any of us expected. The song in the video however, is a short clip of "Day Laborers"

and it begins with a heartbeat...

Eureka! I did it. I finished the first official song on me and my bands upcoming acoustic EP. Well, the intro track I guess. The first song was finished a while ago. I'm just really excited to see the EP coming together. Tomorrow me and Scott are gonna be working on the next song. I'll also be recording the piano tracks to the CD this weekend in my 2nd hometown of Wichita Falls! I'll be laying down some vocal work on the third song on the EP "These Secret Miles" tomorrow too. Hopefully Jason can find sometime to lend his guitar skills. I know me and Cody will be doing a lot of the other tracks and vocals over the break. I'm gonna be putting alot of effort into this CD. Hahaha even more than our When Words Fail EP. Ridiculous huh? This one is recorded in my closet so if I want it to sound good, I guess I need that extra effort. I added some different stuff in this new track. I did some talking in it over layed behind the music. It's funny that what I'm saying there is the most important part of the song and I purposefully made it hard to hear. The song itself is short. 2 mins. I love it that way. I said everything I needed to say in the song. I was bold with my words, and I went with what I was feeling. I think that's what I'm most proud of. That I was brutally honest with myself. This song still looks just like the girl who inspired it. In the end, the song is meant for a different girl who has sailed across an ocean, and took my heart with her. You better like this present vixen : )

Letters From The Closet

So I definitely am on to something with this new song Day Laborers. I am determined to do something outside of my comfort zone. Maybe retrace my roots a bit. I have so many ideas and I plan on using them all for this next song. I'm trying to figure out how to put the song up here on my blog. So that those of you who follow my blog can hear it. Even though, this might be one of those tracks that when it's finished, only reaches one pair of ears. 73 letters down and 657 left to go. I can assure you however that this will be the best letter of them all. My letters from the closet.

The track list keeps growing. How exciting? Look where the miles have taken me love, look where they have taken you.

Why do we fall? (Day Laborers)

These are the lyrics to a new song I wrote. The music was brought upon by the way I think a friend of mine looks. Well the music looks like her. If that makes any sense. The words are just some things I needed to get off my chest. I don't know who is going to read this. Just know that this song is currently my favorite song I've written and it's climbing the charts as my all time favorite. The Hour Is Late is gonna be hard to beat, but I do love this song.

"I've got things to say.

So take a seat while I give myself away.

When it's quiet and it's late, I only see your face.

I'm still keeping secrets I thought I gave away.

Tell me why you climb, if you keep falling down?

Tell me why you fall in the first place?

I'd be out of line, if I said you and I were not intertwined.

You've got this love on the line, but you're running out of time.

You've got this love on the line, but you're running out of time.

You've got this love on the line, but you're running out of time."

Promises, promises

I'm an idiot. For the first time in my life I'm truly single. I'm liking it a lot. I do have interests. They are just the worst interests too. Ha! Not that the person themself is bad. The timing, and who they are to me are what make this situation a situation. I am a fool. You would think that car ride would have changed things. Well it did. It brought me closer. I don't know why, but it did. Sorry I did not ask your permission to feel closer, but I do. Maybe I just like the idea. Maybe I'm just lonely. Maybe I need to be exactly what they need, a friend. One thing is for sure, I will keep every promise I have made. Promises, promises.

In the end, no one feels like home more than the brick that makes up my foundation. You were there from the start; and in my heart I believe you will be there in the end.

"Lets watch the rains down in Africa."

You can live forever

And for a short time..... she returns : )
This always makes me happy.

I worked all day with my best friends/roommates/band mates today. It was quite the feat. I love those guys. Really I do. I am truly lucky to have friends like the ones I do. Especially Cody. He cares a lot more than he lets on. It makes me happy to see where my relationship with him has come. Scott, well me and him just kind of happened. Instant best friends. I wouldn't want it any different. Jason.... well he is Jason. What an awesome person. Very different from me, but he is what makes things complete. I'm lucky they don't read my blogs or this would be weird. I'm tired and ready for bed. But I have to finish my letter.
I write everyday. Without fail. I won't stop either.

I shall end this short and random blog with what me and Cody read today "You can live forever".

The Pie Maker

So I said I would put up the rest of the lyrics to the new song. So that's what I'm doing. I've had this tune in my head. I've had these thoughts in my bed. I've decided it's time to share.

"I'll waste my heart on somebody else.

I'll take my time when I read between the lines.

I'll be insufferable but I'll stay so comfortable.

I'll waste my words with nobody listening.

I'll be obscure and say things I don't mean.

It's hard to tell the truth when a lies all you can do.

Be as it may, I'm working on the parts of me,

That tare at the seam. So baby believe me,

When everything is not what it seems.

So brace yourself cause here it comes now. It's a long way down, and you're tied to the noose.

With all the things you lose. I'm addicted to the truth, written in four four timing for you.

Do you dream about life or something like it?

When you close your eyes, what comes to mind?

Is it a face that you've kept secret?

These secrets are keeping you.

I'll lock myself away, turn the page, and say your name.

But I find it kind of funny that,

She'd rather be alone, then feel lonely.

So brace yourself cause here it comes now. It's a long way down and you're tied to the noose. With all the things you lose. I'm addicted to the truth, written in four four timing for you.

I can't believe, it's come back to this. For 4 years been addicted to the risk.

I found this love on a winters kiss, but I soon found that ignorance was bliss.

I can't erase what I saw so clear, it was your breath in the atmosphere.

In the atmosphere.

In the atmosphere.

In the atmosphere.

Separate from the song above, I wrote this little poem that always puts a little smile on my face.

I am a son with a father.

Who loves my brothers daughter.

I am a friend and a lover.

I am a son with a mother.

I have loved and lost

And I have payed the cost

Of the life of a risk taker

but one day I will be The Pie Maker.

Stranded In The Garden State...

Your face it dances, and it haunts me.
Laughter still ringing in my ears.
I still find pieces of your presence here.
Even after all these years... Collin was right.

If I lived till I was one hundred and two, I just don't think I'll ever get over you.

So many things would be different. We're both so much older. I can't help it but I'm back to writing how I used to. Like the only person in the world that mattered was you. Like the only person in the world was you. This isn't for anyone else. Years have passed and I still feel the same. Does that mean anything? Not to sound weird, but what the hell? This is a little ridiculous.

It's not convenient, it's not loneliness, it's not cause it's comfortable. It's the only truth I've known. Yeah, you were awful for a long time. But you have always felt like home.

I have a routine these days. I wont say what it is, but I love it, because I get to think of you. It does involve: pictures, music, pies, letters, and water. I am lucky to still be in your life. I hope that stays the same.


Next stop.... Barcelona?

It was the end of December

So I took a stroll down memory lane. I realized a lot of things. Like for the past 4 years I've been carrying a torch for the same person. I had a talk with a friend and without knowing it she sparked something in brain. I asked her what she dreamt about and she said "life or something like it" This got me thinking about what I dream about these days. so I asked myself...

"Do you dream about life, or something like it? When you close your eyes, what comes to mind? Is it a lie or the truth? The truth is it's always been you."

I tried so hard loving others.

Faking my way through relationships, but I really can't see anything in other people when you look like my past, present and future. This is all sappy and mushy. Not me at all. I really want to not think about it. I know I can make myself see what else is out there. I know I can find things I love in other people. But I think Mr Hay had it right. I swear there are things that bring back such vivid memories. Whether its a cold breeze or a smell. Your face always pops up in my head. The winter smells like us. When we met. I remember hands tucked in coat pockets, frozen rooftops, bears and pipes, music late at night, drawing what our houses looked like on each other; I remember everything. Thinking about the past... it seems to move in slow motion. Look where the miles have taken me. Look where they have taken you. Loving each other may be comfortable, but that doesn't mean it isn't the thing we are best at. I can't stop thinking about how we met and how we grew to know each other. I know it's not even anyone's business, or that anyone else would care. Only my close friends read my blog anyway, but I'll never forget how you looked. Never. I grew just by knowing you. I am the man I am today because of you. The music I make is still inspired by what grew from you. I will be forever grateful for that. I know my heart may be playing tricks on me. I want to remember all the good times. and forget about the bad times. There were bad times. Times of no affection, no understanding, no wanting; but there was never a lack of love. It was because there was still so much love that it made it so hard to say goodbye. There is still a lot of time on my side. Maybe I'll fall in love with someone else. I think that would be a nice thing to feel. I don't know what the future holds though. I always hope it involves you. It's been quite the task holding up these walls for the past year. I admit I've grown tired, which is why I've let them down tonight. I'll do my best to muster up my strength and get back to holding them up again. There is a bet against my future but I'll do my best to not think about it. In the time being I think I'll go to sleep now. Maybe I'll dream about life, or something like it...

Thanks Joss.

The Mathematician and the Scientist

Nothing has changed. If anything, things are stronger now. I'm on my own these days but I have always carried you with me. So in essence. I have never been alone. I'm walking a tightrope above the city. I've always had high hopes though. You only get one life right? Why not shoot for the stars? Even if it means treading dangerous ground. Breathing the emptiness of space to get to those stars is just a part of the learning process. I'll always be beneath your waves.

"There is a bet against my future, but I don't mind.

I'm praying that these sutures don't leave me open wide.

If our roads run parallel, then maybe I'll see you along the way.

Maybe if I'm luck they will meet at the end of the day."

"I'm surprised that I didn't round, Whats to make of it? The parts are not as great as the sum." Now isn't that true? I'm more of myself just by thinking of you. Look where the miles have taken me... look where they have taken you. If you could believe it, I'm still in love with you.

A storm through your windshield

I was sitting in my room thinking about things that have been happening in my life recently and a melody came to me. It was raining outside and I couldn't help but think of someone. I was sure she was sleeping, or driving, or maybe even thinking of me...

"Silence never spoke so loud in the car last night.

My tired eyes never opened so wide, when the secrets came pouring out.

I kept my eyes on the road. You kept your feet on the dashboard

and you just stared out the window...

My fingers stay crossed tonight, that she makes her morning flight.

My fingers stay crossed today, that the storm shows her the way.

As she makes that drive in the dead of night, I start to find...

She's always on my mind.

Things can change in a year, but you'd find things still aren't clear.

Things can change in a month and you'd find it's still not done.

A lot can change in a day but you'd lose the strength to say

that more can change in a moment, and this moment is written all over your face.

My fingers stay crossed tonight, that she makes her morning flight.

My fingers stay crossed today, that the storm shows her the way.

As she makes that drive in the dead of night, I start to find...

She's always on my mind.

Miles could never break your heart.

It's the hours spent awake that set you apart.

These secrets bring us close, and make me say

You can become anything you want, when you're this far away.

My fingers stay crossed tonight, that you make your morning flight.

My fingers stay crossed today, that the storm shows you the way.

As you make that drive in the dead of night, I wonder...

Do I ever cross your mind?

Ready

"I've been waiting for good news. I'll work to continue singing these lines to the same demographic. Be it not perfect, let it be heard. By those taking an interest, not for the critics holding their ears."

I must say, I have the best friends a man could ask for. They truly pull me through rough patches in my life. I feel great today for some odd reason. I got horrible news today on all fronts, but for some strange reason I feel optimistic. It might have been Francis telling me to keep my head up, Aaron telling me not to be an asshole, Scott telling me girls suck anyway, Jeremy laughing at me, Alex telling me that step 82 is complete, or the knowledge that I am trying to do something bigger than this moment. Either way, it straitened me out.

I feel the urge to make a pie right now. It's much too late though. Maybe a good ole fashion cherry pie is in the works for tomorrow. I've decided I haven't seen my friend Chelsey in a while. I think I'll pay her a visit and tell her she is the female Larry Bird.

On a side note it was great talking to my old friend Shaina recently. I admit we were more than just friends in the past. I had quite the thing for her bahahaha. Two Towns is about her. I guess things have come full circle for me. Before I wrote that song for her to hear, so I could get a message to her. Then everyone else heard it and not her. Then a year and a half later, I got that message across to that same girl at a packed show. That's as good a reminder as any as to why I play music. It was good catching up (which is all we did). Even though I claimed and still claim, "she is the girl that got away" my heart beats for another. But some things were said that struck a chord in me. So, for those of you who follow, I'm working on many songs right now, but this one has caught my attention.

"Soft and spoken word of mouth creeps into my ears, from a friend I ain't seen in years. Maybe it's talk but the truth is there. Buried beneath the days, when we couldn't see clear. Words passing through tongue and cheek, slip past your teeth, and reveal the things you didn't mean."

Ready, set.... live.

Your New Twin Sized Bed

"You look so defeated lying there in your new twin sized bed. With a single pillow underneath your single head. I guess you decided that that old queen was more space than you would need. Now it's in the ally behind your apartment with a sign that says free.... It's like were in some kind of hurry, to say goodbye..."

I miss the taste of the air back home. It reminds me of my youth. It appears I'm on a new road. A new chapter if you will. I don't mind being alone for a while. Hopefully this will help me concentrate on what I need to be 100% focused on, getting signed. This year feels nothing like last year. All I've known is distance. All I keep are secrets. I'm gonna give them all away.

I was so misplaced this weekend, like I couldn't understand my feelings. I just know I'm gonna be that jaded asshole sooner or later. I have faith in my band and my friends. I know we are going to achieve our goals. But It will be at the cost of all the things my old life would have wanted. Companionship, furtherment of knowledge, potential friendships, and lack of family. You only get one life though, and this is what I choose to do with mine.

I'll put my hopes on hold, and hopefully experience these dreams with my eyes wide open. I'll always be thinking and waiting for the girl who only sleeps when it's raining. I'll do my best to put my past behind me. It's turning out to be a lot easier than I thought.

The Hour Is Late

This scene feels so unfamiliar. 3am at 3am, the highlight of a year, the end of a good thing, the birth of a song that I feel truly defines who and where I am in life. Conversation is the gateway to the truth and to the feelings that reveal them. For something that felt so one sided at first, it no longer feels that way. Even if the situations I am in don't support that statement. I keep making promises, and I will do everything I can to keep them. I've said this before, a lot can change in a year, a lot can change in a day, but even more can change in a moment.

I'm not in the sleeping mood tonight. The hour is late and I'm saying things I shouldn't say. I am in love with someone I shouldn't be in love with. More than miles separate at this point. I feel I might not be able to turn the page, turn the page, turn the paige. I'll keep reaching out, I'll keep waiting. I've got promises promises to keep. I'm slowed by these cuts, these wounds. These open wounds, they never heal the way they're supposed to. I will try though. With all the things I've learned. I will try, cause this loving you in secret wont do. Would it matter? Would you even know this is about you...

Chapter 5 (The Road)

It seems to me that I tend to write about girls a lot, or heartbreak. Sometimes the messages are different, sometimes it's just a statement. One thing I feel like I have gotten away from is conveying that message when I can't seem to find the words to say. When words fail... that's what I write for. I am about to move to Austin, TX to take advantage of a great musical opportunity. I seem to have fallen deeper in love with playing music. Nothing compares to sitting in a piano room by myself and writing a song that means something to me. Packing my bags, loading the truck, grabbing some gas, driving to another city and watching someone else sing along to that song. Nothing compares, not my mothers food, not Jeremy's jokes, not Aaron's sarcasm, not my fathers lectures, not Laurens laugh, not Paige's smile, not my brothers charm, no nothing compares. It's funny though, all the things I just mentioned are my inspirations for writing, but that's not what i want to write about right now. I want to write about how my friends help. I want to write about recovery. I want to write about learning. I want to write about myself, my flaws, and my ways. I have to write about this move. It marks a new chapter in my life. The 5th to be specific.

"I've got it all in the boxes now.

I'm moving out to a new hometown.

You say that I'm a leaver, and it's true, I will always leave you when I can't find myself.

This is the song. You are the truth.

I am the wrong that's keeping you, In my bed, when you don't know.

Keep your heart on safe when you take me home.

I can lose my way if you show me the light, and I will find the day in the midst of the night.

You can steal my heart, I've got friends to pull me through, as I'm falling further into you.

I've got my head on my shoulders now.

Cause Cody, and Scott, and Jason showed me how.

You say that I'm a liar, but it's true. I would never lie to you, but I sure as hell will lie to myself.

This is the song. You are the truth.

I am the wrong that's keeping you, in my bed, when you don't know.

Keep your heart on safe when you take me home.

I can lose my way if you show me the light, and I will find the day in the midst of the night.

You can steal my heart, I've got friends to pull me through, as I'm falling further into you.

Nothing compares... Not my mom, and not my father. Not his sons, and not his daughter. Not this lie, or you and I. Not that smile, and not those eyes. I've got friends that keep me close... when the road is my home."

Chapter 4

I can spell Konfusion with a K and I can like it. I seem to be losing myself a little bit these days.

"Love is in your heart for the time being, and Love is in your arms, or so it seems, Love is everything in between you and me and the mistakes you made... you give yourself away, you give yourself away... When love is not enough.
Love does not persuade, love is not afraid. My love is wanting, my love is not wanted right now.
Breathe me in breathe me out so you can see it begin, all the things that you doubt like whether I'm leaving. 2nd month from the start and now you want me to stay... you give yourself away. You give yourself away... When love is not enough."
Watch me turn the page, watch me turn the page, watch me turn the page, watch me turn the page, watch me turn the page, watch me turn the Paige...

You've got his heart and my heart and all of the pain.

Hesitation

Hmmmm so yeah, I got the best/worst news ever. What will come of this? I thought I was making new beginnings that were going a certain way and but it seems they took a turn to a different path. Should I follow my heart or my destiny? That is quite the tough question. I'll give it a week and see what things look like. A lot can change in a week. A lot can change in a day, but more can change in a moment.

"I'm stuck in the moment and my heart sets the current. Where waves feel more like a drip?

My door is always open, but you never seem to step in. Hesitation stains your lips.

Where do we go from here? Where do we go from here?"

Chapter 3

I am in love...

Not what I wanted, nor expected. I'm dealing with it though. Everything is still a secret, and I actually don't mind it staying that way. It's like I'm in my own world when this is a secret. No one knows names, or faces. Only my words will be known. I must find a piano before this melody consumes me. I guess this is the 3RD chapter. Let's see what comes of it. It's not the drugs, or the blood in between my teeth that compels me to say this aloud. It is simply the fact that I need to be honest with myself before I can be honest with the people I write to. If you have ever listened to a song I've written, then know that I have been as honest with you as I possibly could have been. It doesn't matter if we have never met, the point is you have seen me, and heard me at my most naked state. There is more to me than pencil and paper, and a piano, and a tune. However, my music is a piece of who I am. So take it and care for it, love it; and you will always have a part of me with you.

Chapter 2

I misplaced Monday night just where I thought I knew. I'm in a search for Tuesday morning before I lose the afternoon. Wednesday what is that up your sleeve? Is it these lost days or the months in between? This will turn into the next song I keep, cause she is a thief and can't help but steal the bits of me she needs to see.

I, for the first time in a long time feel the blood in my toes, in my face, and in my fingers. I could drown in this feeling. I am lusting, loving, writing, and living. Ha, some of those don't sound too holy, but trust me I've got a handle on it.

Now for some lyrics... They always get me where I need to be. Here I am starting a new chapter in my life. I guess this would be the 2ND chapter. The 1st started when I met... her. That's when I started feeling again. Now the blood is pumping and I feel everything. Every time someone looks, or stares, or wants. I can't say I don't mind, I guess it means I'm on to something great. She is great. I will never be "that guy" though. Jealousy never crept near my feet.

"Everybody wants to be on your mind, cause you're one of a kind. Aren't you baby?
Everybody wants to be on your side. Come along for the ride, if you want to baby.
Don't tell me like it is... just how it could be." - Alex Dezen.

I wonder

Music, music, music... just the thing I need to guide me through these days. My past is returning, sadly it is too late. I shouldn't say sadly though. I am happy it is too late. I happen to love where I am right now. Tired as I am, I wouldn't change a damn thing. I didn't expect to meet this new person. I even more so didn't expect to feel this way. I need to keep a handle on it though, can't rush, yet I can't slow down.

I think I will delve into recent interest. I'm still building this easel. I would have been done by now, but I can't seem to keep myself from taking naps. I'm excited about next weekend actually. I have decided to go visit my friends in Austin. I'll get to see the best friend I haven't seen in a long while. I must say Jeremy has changed a lot. He definitely isn't quite the same person I knew. I still carry all those memories of me, him, and Alden. I Don't know how we grew so far apart. When we are together though. It seem that nothing has changed when we are together though. I'm excited to see this bird I know. It truly has been too long. No interruptions this time.

Last night was truly a night to remember. Things are becoming more and more natural, more and more comfortable. I wonder what this wish is. I wonder what this day brings. I wonder what she's thinking. I wonder...

"I still see my reflection inside of my eyes. They are looking for purpose, they are looking for life." - Jason Wade

Chapter 1

So I guess it starts here. A new story if you will. There will be some people you recognize, and there will also be new characters introduced. This is the first chapter. It isn't very long. Let's start it by saying I hear a heartbeat.

"She's got a way with words, but they never say anything you want to hear. She's got a way with time, but it's never on your side. It's keeping me in the past. She'll write it on her skin, so that it sinks in, it's everything she wants to do. I can feel it in my bones, can you feel it too?"

This is the first chapter... some might say the first verse. We will see where the chorus takes me. One thing I know is that my voice has returned.

"Her last time to feel clean, in broken english she says... I lost everything." -TWT

May 12th 2010

Happiness

Needless to say I am exhausted. Exhausted... I love that word. Mainly because it sounds like what it is. I can't remember the last time I was this tired. It is definitely something I can get used to though. I was listening to a song last night "Happiness" by The Fray. What is happiness? Is it a state of being happy? Full of laughter? An absent of sadness? The truth is "happiness is a lot like sorrow, you can't make it come or go" It comes when it wants, and it leaves just the same. I am truly a happy person at the moment. There are still however, a few things weighing me down. The lack of happiness isn't one of them.

The absence of my family, constant struggles with a friend, a current situation, the uncertainty of pursuing music. These are the things that make me nervous. I don't know why I started writing in this thing again. All I know is that I feel much better after writing. Sometimes I wonder who reads this, and I wonder if it helps them know me better. I have been told by more than one person that for some reason, the things I write have pertinence to more than just myself. I was told my words, my thoughts, my outlook are things that people listen too. I don't know why either.

I can't seem to go the piano room at MSU and not feel inspired. Just the other day, I was there with someone and was overwhelmed with a need to write, and again last night. I felt a heart beat... really beat. It was astounding. It made me want to write something that fit the rhythm I heard.

Here goes nothing...

May 11th 2010

I Feel..

I'm feeling different these days. I am losing my breath in waves. I truly have not felt like this in years. I am constantly writing, on paper napkins, on cups, on post its, on my hands. This woman is completely different from what I have known. I started studying medicine again, I started listening to a new genre, I started writing again, I've started staying up, I've started waking up tired and alive at the same time, She is much like a drug, I have started...

This isn't another song... these are just my thoughts. This is what I'm feeling. Sometimes it's hard for me to articulate what I want to say when I'm out and about. Sometimes it's easier for me to sit down and organize my thoughts. I wouldn't make sense if I just said everything on my mind at once, without a filter. I'm sure it would be amusing though. It would be a jumble of personalities, bodily observations, and questions. Only my closest friends seem to follow my blog, so I guess it's fitting that y'all know these things.

I'm going to start giving piano lessons again and that excites me : )

I'm dreading something... I know it's going to effect my situation drastically, i can't seem to speak up about it, for fear I'll sink the ship and drag us both down. I'm sure I'm not making sense anymore so I'll leave it at that. I think I'm going to start writing in this everyday. I would like to monitor these days... They seem to be important for a reason I can't explain nor comprehend. The one thing I can say is that my heart is beating... whether it's half of my heart, or the whole thing. The point is that it's beating and for once in a long time... I feel.

May 10th, 2010

Flatline

It has been brought to my attention that I am becoming something I shouldn't. I however feel my actions are the perfect incarnation of my retaliation. Oh this is my revenge, and will spare no heartbreak.

Flatline

"Lights line your bedroom eyes and keep you in demand.
Lust keeps an open door, between the sheets of a man.
You can't stand to be alone, when I slip out the back door,
I only loved you enough to lie, lie, lie.

Oh you're such an easy kill that I can't be satisfied.
Oh you're such a faceless thrill that I can't recognize
That I am the flatline.

Tongue in cheek, grinding teeth, this is exactly what I need.
You're on your hands and knees, you just can't help that I'm so inviting.
I'm living free enough to kill, you're living free enough to die.
I only loved you enough to lie, lie, lie.

You're such an easy kill that I can't be satisfied.
You're such a faceless thrill that I can't recognize
I am the flatline.